Well... I never did that before,it's the first time I write something about my freeling...online wow ! -_- {I'm so depressed that I write about my feelings on my blog I don't even use any more!! }
But I'm soooo mad because of a boy and.. I don;t know what to do.. He does't even look at me! why do I sill love him??? Why did my ex cheated on me with my "BFF"??!! Why life is so unfaire??!!! There is only one thing I can answer to : It really do suck beeing a teenager!!!
I miss England, I miss Liverpool, I miss my real friends
I wish I could go to the ball with my old mates at the end of this year, I wish I could go back to the past were I had a boyfriend I loved, a dream best friend and a home in my town, Liverpool...
But I'm verry verry far from this life now.. I live in a country at hundred of miles away from Liverpool where you see the s*n every day during the four seasons.. -_- I need the weather to be rainy like in England, I need it to be wet and cold, I love the smell of the groud after the rain.. I loved walking under the rain with Jamie ( <3) by my side, we were holding hands, simling and laughing.. I remember when he said to me : "I like you" under the rain, when he took my face between his hands and kissed me slowly...How could I forget this magical moment..I wish I could have this kiss forever.. I didn't want the time to continue, I wanted it to stop, to stop forever..and I was right , now when I think about all this past time I feel like.. nostalgical... I know that nothing is going to be like it was anymore..
Things change, peolple change... Today I'm not the same person that I was yesterday,and neither tomorrow...
My mum always says to me I can be friend with my ex"BFF" even if it's not like before, she tells me te forgive her..but you see.. I can't because she made my cry as mutch as if I've lost someone I loved forever... Actually I cried because I knew I've lost my boyfriend and my BF and nothing was going to be like before anymore... They both broke my heart in pieces.. it didn't need a surgery to get fixed but a lot,lot of time...
I stil talk to Jamie, he is still in Liverpool (and in my heart) he doesn't date (neither do I).. I can't stop loving him even after what he did to me, my love for him grows day after day. But we live in different countries now, and I have to move on, I need to see people, need to fall in love with somebody else..but why is the only boy I like here is so not intressted my be?! why??!!
I've lost contact with my exBF but jamie says she is all right and that she always asks about me, I don't want revenge, my heart just need time to get fixed like it was before, maybe someday, maybe,we'll be best friends again..
Now it's the first christmas I spend without Jamie..and J***... But like I said things change and we have to move on..
don't wonder why people go crazy,wonder why they don't___* feeling a bit better after that*
